goodnight, gratitude

There is just something about weekends that is absolutely priceless.  The freedom, maybe.  The knowledge that every moment of these precious 48 hours are mine to do with what I please.  That anything and everything I do is of my choosing.  Whether it is a busy weekend full of errands, friends, workouts, hikes, and coffee shops, or it is a weekend of lazy afternoons, movie marathons, hot cocoa and Skype - I am ultimately doing exactly what it is I want to do.  Of course, with this priceless freedom comes a caveat... the Sunday night blues.  Tonight, for instance, I was riding the wave of a wonderful weekend. But as soon as it neared bed time, my mood dropped.  I began to worry about Monday morning, began turning through the next day's tasks in my mind.  I started to wonder how Saturday and Sunday could go by so quickly and who in the world decided we should work 5 days and rest only 2.  Then I saw a post by Diane Sanfilippo that startled me.  It was as if she read my mind.  She said:  "If you are feeling the Sunday Night Blues, make a gratitude list before you go to bed. That'll get your head straight. #gratitude #lifeisgood #countyourblessings"

So that's what I did.  Or, that's what I started to do.  My list began like this:

1. I am strong, healthy, and happy.

That's also where my list ended.  I just stared at it for a while.  I have an innumerable amount of things for which I am grateful, don't get me wrong.  But in the end, they all add up to this.  I am strong.  I am healthy.  I am happy.  These, I think, are the qualities in life I aspire to most.  Until recently, they have always been a bit vague and ambiguous, but I am finally starting to put words to my goals and they look, I think, just like this.  I do believe that these are subjective words, however, and mean something very specific to me. So I'll elaborate.

I am strong.

Physically, I am stronger than I have ever been in my life.  I get stronger every day.  I lift heavy things, I move, I work hard, I breathe through tough postures.   Emotionally, I am stronger than I ever knew I could be.  I take care of myself, of my feelings and my well being.  I am independent, courageous, and I have boundaries.  I have moral strength and a foundation built on sense of self.  I am strongly opinionated yet also know the strength in compassion and empathy.  I am okay.  It takes a lot of strength to simply be okay.  I know most of you know this.

I am healthy.

My body is full of nutritious food, I haven't been sick in nearly 6 months, my allergies seem to have all but disappeared.  I am of a healthy body composition, I take care of myself, and I am aware of things that make me feel less than ideal.  I have a healthy sense of my own wants and needs and take proactive steps to fulfill them when appropriate.  I seek advice and assistance from those who know more than I do, yet I know how to analyze information rather than accept it blindly. I am full of energy and life.  I feel good.

I am happy.

Nothing and no one is perfect.  Moods shift, conflict arises, and troubles occur.  That's just life.  Yet in spite of the roller coaster of this journey... or, more accurately, because of it... I am happy.  Thanks to my strength and my health, I am equipped to deal with what comes my way.  Thanks to my incredible friends and the support group I have all over the map, I have shoulders to lean on.  Thanks to my job, my Smirkos, my family... thanks to art and food and books and hot tea and sunny days and hard workouts... thanks to all of those outside things, but also thanks to myself, I am happy.  I will always want more adventure, more knowledge, experience, challenges, friendships, exploration. I will never be done or found or settled.  But on this path to who-knows-where, I am happy.

Wow.  That's a lot to be grateful for.  Sunday night doesn't look so bad anymore, I guess. 

What's on your list?

Dani